I never knew my father was an alcoholic until he came home sober one night.
Itís not true that life is one damn thing after another. Itís the same damn thing over and over.
-Edna St.Vincent Milay
People never grow up, they just learn how to act in public.
I have great faith in fools -- my friends call it self-confidence.
-Edgar Allen Poe
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? Iím halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my god, I could be eating a slow learner.
I grew up with six brothers. Thatís how I learned to dance -- waiting to get into the bathroom.
I donít really enjoy sex. I just pretend I do to get girls to sleep with me.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
There is a very fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
I tried to wrestle my inner demons once, but they used too many illegal holds.
Even if youíre on the right track, youíll get run over if you just sit there.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
If weíd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.
Every time I think Iíve hit bottom, someone hands me a shovel.
According to my calculations, the problem doesnít exist.
I feel sorry for people who donít drink. When they wake up in the morning, thatís as good as theyíre going to feel all day.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and the world looks sheepish and suddenly remembers it had other plans.
If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing, and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
-Thomas de Quincy (1785-1859)
Blinky lights are the essence of technology. Everything else is just fluff.
Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightening kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.
Computers let you make mistakes faster than anything except handguns and tequila.
If men can run the world, why canít they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
Thereís no such thing as a tough child. If you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
Curse the blasted, jelly-boned swines, the slimy, the belly-wiggling invertebrates, the miserable soddingrotters, the flaming sods, the sniveling, dribbling, dithering, palsied, pulse-less lot that make up England today. Theyíve got white of egg in their veins and their spunk is so watery itís a marvel they can breed.
Behind every great man is a surprised woman.
I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The nice thing about Windows is -- it does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press ĎOKí first.
Sex is like a card game: if you donít have a good partner, youíd better have a good hand.
Sure a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake a whole relationship.
Coredelia: So, does looking at guns really make girls wanna have sex? Thatís scary.
Xander: Yeah, I guess.
Cordelia: Well does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
Xander: Iím seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.
-conversation from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dough...the stuff that buys me beer.
Ray...the guy that sells me beer.
Me...the one who drinks the beer.
Far...a long run to get beer.
So...Iíll have another beer.
La...la la la la la beer.
Tea...no thanks Iím drinking beer.
That will bring us back to *looks into empty glass* doh.
-sung by Homer on the Simpsons (but applicable to so many college students *grin*)
Time is never wasted when youíre wasted all the time.